A Father’s Love

“And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18 NLT

God placed this topic on my heart in June, but I have been procrastinating. That could mean it is going to be needed by someone. Yet my experience has had me feeling less than qualified to speak on a father’s love, and it can be painful to think about. Nevertheless, here I am putting it to words for all.

My mother left my father when I was very young and he was met with violence when he attempted to get us back. When my father began dating and eventually married my stepmother, my own mother used us children to manipulate my father in an effort to end the relationship. This caused my stepmother to hold some animosity against the children of my father’s first marriage. The resentment from both women made it difficult for my father to be present in our lives.

I only have a few of my own memories of my father. For a time, when I was 6-years-old, we lived with my dad’s parents. He would come over as often as he could. One of those memories is as simple as my father laying on the living room floor watching television; absently twirling his hair as he did. I would lean against his back, drape my arm over his side, and just be happy to be near him.

Another memory from that time is of the family being in the backyard playing a game like Marco Polo on land, but everyone would be calling out at once and you had to focus on a certain voice. I singled out my father’s voice amongst the noise and followed it; not realizing he was standing on the other side of the kiddy pool. Into the water I went and my father fished me up smiling.

Not long after, I got the best birthday present ever (my little brother was born on my 7th birthday), and my mom came back to take us away again. She would tell us that our father had a new family now and didn’t want or need us anymore. It would be over 10 years before I’d see my father again, all the while having to endure the resentment of my mother if he was mentioned. When Troy and I found ourselves to be expecting and decided to get married, I wrote to my father to let him know. I did it out of duty to keep him informed of such big life changes. I did not expect him to disrupt his home life—saying he was possibly going home to a divorce—to come and be there to give me away at my wedding. I worried that he would be disappointed in me, but he was so happy just to be with me that I didn’t sense any of that. This was not the indifferent father that I was conditioned to expect. This father wanted nothing more than to be there for his daughter and to share as much of her life as he could.

In 2015 I went to surprise my younger brother for his 30th birthday; the first we spent together since he was born. My father made my brother promise to bring me by the base where he worked before I flew home. My dad took me by the arm and lead me from office to office to introduce me. He delighted as he’d say, “This is my daughter. Isn’t she beautiful?!” I couldn’t help but marvel at his love for me.

“And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, ‘Abba, Father.'” Galatians 4:6 NLT

These memories of my biological father have become a reflection of my Heavenly Father. When I lean into God, just to be near Him, there is such peace. I seek to follow his voice and, although I sometimes find myself in uncertain circumstances, He is there to lift me up and comfort me. He has a reckless love that will bring Him to my side; he leaves the 99. Not with judgement for what I’ve done, but with a desire to just draw near and be there when I need Him. I can even imagine my Heavenly Father say, “This is my daughter. Isn’t she beautiful?!”

Although this life has been painful to not know my father’s love as we would have liked, my Heavenly Father has always been with me. Since the moment He first spoke into my life at 10, I have known the unfailing love of my Abba Father. Gentle, guiding, and fair, He is the hand that has lead me onward in this journey. I pray any who read this find this our for themselves.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3