Anyone who has more than one child knows how they can become jealous of each other. Often I would ask my littles which of two meals they would like for dinner. Inevitably one would choose one and the other the second. I would ultimately have to make the decision and it would sometimes result in a hurt child crying, “You love them more!” (You’d think I would’ve learned sooner to stop asking.) Obviously, on my part, it was not a motivation of caring for one child more than the other, but having one’s wishes overlooked can be received as hurtful.
The Bible has many stories with this dynamic; Cain and Abel, Esua and Jacob, Joseph and his brothers. Most of the time these “favorite child” feelings are unfounded, while other times it can seem apparent. When my oldest brother passed away my mother told me, “I loved him more than I could ever love you.” That would have been shocking were it not for the fact that she showed it every day of our upbringing. However, her feelings were just that, her feelings, and I had no control one way or the other. What I could control were my own feelings. A person could react as Esua or Joseph’s brothers did, allowing bitterness to shape how they interacted with their parent’s favorite, or they can recognize that we cannot control who others attach their relationships to. These brothers of the Bible stories would later come to care and accept the brother they had fumed towards, as their old feelings of hurt subsided. This came to them under the wisdom of time. Seeing their own relationships with their parents were not contingent on the favorite, but by their own lives.
When Cain feels jealous towards his brother Abel, after he found favor with God, Cain receives a warning. “‘Why are you so angry?’ the LORD asked Cain. ‘Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.'” (Genesis 4:6-7) Let’s be clear, this wasn’t some food competition where the cloche lid reveals the meal and one person advances. God wasn’t saying that since He found favor with Abel there was no room for Cain. In fact, He tells Cain that if he were to come with right motives then he too will be accepted. However, we know that Cain does not subdue his violent thoughts, but instead destroys his brother’s life as well as his own with his actions.
Unfortunately this tendency is innate and we are often quick to jump to jealousy. While we may look at a brother or sister and pronounce them as mom or dad’s favorite, we are painting a picture that wants to label things as unequal or unfair. “They are the baby” or “he’s the perfect child” become the devices used to chisel away at their standing. We seek to put qualifiers on people so we can level the field. Instead of accepting someone as having been lifted up, we have a nature that wants to bring them down. This is sad enough when it happens within a family, how much more so when it happens in the family of God?
For this is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another, unlike Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his deeds were evil, and his brother’s were righteous. 1 John 3:11-12
We can see many around us who become lifted up in their ministry. Whether a beloved pastor, a dynamic speaker, or a talented worship leader, there are some who receive a brighter spotlight than others. Our “Cain nature” may have us whispering behind tilted hands about who we think the person really is while seeking to bring them down a level. If you are tempted to needlessly destroy someone’s character because they have found favor, I would say to remember God’s warning. Watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. We need to celebrate our brothers and sisters who are being raised up in God’s kingdom and remember a vital truth: just because someone else has found favor in God does not mean there is less to fall on you. If you are in Christ, under His inheritance, then you are God’s favorite child.
Dear friends, if our hearts don’t condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive whatever we ask from him because we keep his commands and do what is pleasing in his sight. 1 John 3:21-22
Author Dellaca Ferraiz Reynolds 