A Jesus Revolution or a Revolutionary Jesus

With revivals happening on campuses around the country and the “Jesus Revolution” movie in theaters, I can’t help but ponder the first revolution of Jesus followers found in Acts. It was the initial outpouring of believers after Jesus’ ascension and stirred up the world to create a movement called “The Way.” After causing a public spectacle, Peter delivered his first sermon and had a call to repentance to which 3,000 people responded.(Acts 2:37-41) So the first Jesus Revolution was documented, yet it would not have been possible if Jesus himself had not been revolutionary. You see, in the Old Testament we had account after account of how the Spirit of the Lord came upon someone to do the supernatural when called. However, in most of those cases we see it did not remain with them. Beside the teaching and sacrifice of Jesus, what made him revolutionary was his promise of what would happen when he returned to his Father.

When the day of Pentecost had arrived, they [disciples] were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like that of a violent rushing wind came from heaven, and it filled the whole house where they were staying. They saw tongues like flames of fire that separated and rested on each of them. Then they were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them. Acts 2:1-4

One might read this and think it’s an exciting scene; but if you look at this deeper, what happens here is mind-blowing. First in Exodus 40, when the tent of meeting was finished, the cloud that had been leading the Israelites rushed in and filled the tabernacle. Again in 2 Chronicles 5, when Solomon completed the Temple of the Lord, a cloud blew in and the temple was filled. When you take into account that at the time of Jesus’ crucifixion the curtain of the Most Holy place in the Temple of the Lord was split in two from top to bottom, this presents itself as God’s exit from the temple. Yet Jesus promised, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” (John 14:23) So what happens with the disciples on the day of Pentecost is the indication that his followers are the new Temple of the Lord where the Holy Spirit resides. The same Spirit of the Lord that worked through the people of the Old Testament to do miraculous things is now gifted to Christ followers of all nations.

It is hard to express to a nonbeliever the feeling of the Holy Spirit when it fills you. A paltry comparison would be describing the sun to a blind person. This blessing means the difference between two people reading the same passage, and one gleaning nothing while the other feels the discernment of the Spirit. Many critics tend to say it is a hallucination or a learned response from an indoctrinated mass. Yet we would not have 2,000 years of Jesus Revolutions without the burning of the Holy Spirit among his people. Even the leaders of Jesus’ time had trouble wrapping their heads around this movement.

Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than people. The God of our ancestors raised up Jesus, whom you had murdered by hanging him on a tree. God exalted this man to his right hand as ruler and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins. We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey him.” When they [the Jewish leaders] heard this, they were enraged and wanted to kill them. But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law who was respected by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered the men to be taken outside for a little while. He said to them, “Men of Israel, be careful about what you’re about to do to these men.” He goes on to share other examples of prophets rising up proclaiming to be someone of importance, yet when they died their movements did not survive. “So in the present case, I tell you, stay away from these men and leave them alone. For if this plan or this work is of human origin, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even be found fighting against God.”

It seems unfortunate that the Holy Spirit is the least talked about aspect of the Trinity when it is the most prevalent factor in the life of a Christ follower. It is the intercessor in prayer, the comforter in our times of sorrow, and the flame of conviction that burns within ourselves. I know I would not have survived much of my hardships without Him. Yet many treat it as a fringe element that only the super religious give credence to. However, if we are to be a revolutionary people, then let us tap into what makes the body of Christ so revolutionary. I encourage you to be open to the Holy Spirit in your life and live plugged in to your faith.

Biblical Feminism

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending a women’s only gala with some of my closest friends. The event was the culmination of photographer Jessica Yates’ campaign of 40 over 40. Her mission was to highlight the stories of forty women over the age of 40, and to honor how God has moved in their lives. There is something different about a room full of women who are all about lifting others up. As they spoke about the impact their faith has had, I couldn’t help but think of those critics who have said how misogynistic the Bible is and oppressive to women.

I will admit, when I’ve studied Paul’s letters to Timothy, that I wondered if this was a correspondence of the He-Man Woman-Haters Club (Little Rascals Reference). However, scholars who have studied these letters, the region this church was established, and the people of the time have concluded that Paul is addressing a specific issue and not belittling women. Audience is important. Theologians have widely accepted this as to why these verses would be so contrary to the rest of scripture, and Paul’s own praise of the women he worked with in their own churches.

The Bible openly acknowledges the contributions of women. Going back to Genesis, at the end of each day of creation God took stock to determine if each area was done to the best it could be; that it was good. After making the first human He realized mankind was not yet the best it could be. Where God made Adam a mirror of Himself, He now put divine thought into what the Earth would need to be fully good in His eyes. This is why man and woman are so different. They are purposefully a counterpoint to each other so that the caretakers of the Earth would not be lacking in anything. God loves His sons and daughters and has never shied away from using women to be his shield-maidens of faith. We see Moses’ sister, Miriam, who was considered a prophetess and among his council. Deborah was a prophetess, a wife, and a judge over all Israel. The army commander asked her to aid in leading the troops in battle, and she did so without hesitation. Ruth chose to support her ex mother-in-law and that sacrificial love earned her a mention in Jesus’ genealogy. Hadassah, whose Persian name was Esther, was put into position to keep the exiled Israelites from genocide. Of course there is also Mary, who accepted the honor of being mother to Jesus. Then there is the first person Jesus made a missionary of the gospel: the woman at the well. These are just my top line examples. If you wanted to do a deep dive, you would find the Bible is full of women being empowered, and you’d see a God who loves His daughters.

Unfortunately, the battle of the sexes has had collateral damage in all areas as war rages between masculinity and feminism. As are all things, woman is under the sovereignty of God; yet there is a hierarchy established within the confines of marriage. Where the single Christian woman submits to God, the married woman must also submit to her husband. (see Ephesians 5:22) I want to be clear that the wife is called to submit and not that she is subservient, as in less important. Scripture states that in marriage the two have become one, and that a house divided will fall. Therefore, God has determined that as man was created first and will be held to account for the way he leads his family, the wife must defer to his direction. When I was young, my mother would leave us kids alone at home and tell my oldest brother that he was in charge. Often this would be without incident, but other times something would go wrong and he would be held responsible whether it was his fault or not. That is the similar idea to the husband’s responsibility. God set them outside the Garden of Eden with the curse and said to Adam you’re in charge. Wives are to respect their husbands for this expectation that is put on them, and yield to his leadership as the head of the family.

This may sound contrary to the idea of feminism, but in reality it is actually empowering. As believers we are given authority to go forth in Christ, and how Christ gave everything for the kingdom of God to thrive. When you read on from where the wives are called to submit, you see the husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church and give of themselves for her. A man of God understands this responsibility, and recognizes that his wife is the daughter of the King. She is given unique gifts and accepts that God has a plan for her life as well. The loving husband gives authority to his wife to do all she needs to for their family, and guides her in such a way so that she can be holy in God’s eyes.

Whether married or single, women continue to minister, to educate, and to council their fellow believers. Even today you will find varying degrees of acceptance of their efforts. Regardless of the headwinds you may face, I encourage my sisters in Christ to see themselves as God sees you. Strong yet gentle. Warriors as well as peacemakers. A soft place of comfort as well as a driving force. In a word, extraordinary.

Turn to the Light

I often joke to my family that I am solar powered. When the daylight hours begin to wan in the fall I have experienced feeling dread; knowing that the deep cold and darkness of winter is coming. The holidays help to keep my spirits up, but in January and February my mild case of seasonal affective disorder gets stronger.

I have plants that usually live on my deck in the Spring and Summer, but in the winter months I bring them inside. I only have one really good window in my house for catching the most light during this time, so the plants are pressed for a place to survive. (My family would say that with my black thumb it’s a wonder they still live.) I’ve noticed that, as weeks go by, the side closest to the window thrives while the other struggles. I have to remind myself to turn the plants occasionally so that all sides have an opportunity for growth.

This process with the plants inspired me to remember that I must do the same thing. When I feel the darkness around me, and I’m struggling to lift my head, I need to turn to the light. To plants, light is vital to sustain its life, and with seasonal depression I can relate. Therefore, we must find ways to inject light into our days.

“In him [Jesus] was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness did not overcome it.” John 1:4-5 CSB

The human condition is a constant battle between choosing light or darkness. In January we recognize the contributions of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. One of his notable quotes is “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only the light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Being a pastor himself, he no doubt knew Jesus as the light of the world, and that we will be identified as being in Him by the love we show. When our world view is turned away from the light, like the plant at the window whose side faces in and out, we start to fade into that perspective. We go around downcast and withdrawn as we struggle in our lack of growth. If our days are spent feeding into that darkness we cannot find the power to overcome it. We need to remember to turn to the light; to turn to Jesus.

“Jesus spoke to them again: ‘I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in the darkness but will have the light of life.'” John 8:12 CSB

When it said, “Jesus spoke to them again,” this is right after he had prevented the stoning of the woman caught in the act of adultery. Talk about a moment of darkness for her! Shamed and about to be killed for her sin, I can’t imagine the fear she must have had. Yet, in a moment, her accusers were gone and Jesus was extending forgiveness. Hope shines like a ray of light in that instance in such a way that is life changing. I have had a profound encounter myself that cannot be fully conveyed in a blog post, but I share in my speaking. It was a time of deep, consuming darkness broken by a flash of light from God. The experience would be similar to a blind person receiving their sight for the first time. Life springs up anew, and the darkness cannot overtake it when the truth is revealed.

While my mental state looks forward to the longer daylight hours of the Spring and Summer, my spirit craves long durations of being in the light of Jesus. Worship with my church family, being in the word of God (the Bible), singing along to praise music, and coming into the throne room in prayer are all ways to turn my face to the light. If you find yourself walking in darkness then I hope you will give them a try.

The Table

The holidays are winding down and a new year is dawning. In full transparency I’m going to be open with you about a consistent issue I have in my home. If there is a flat surface available it quickly gets covered up. That being said, my dining table is often inaccessible for the use of eating meals. However, with Thanksgiving and Christmas, my family and I have had to be conscientious about our effort to establish our dining table for its designed purpose, and I really do love when we come around the table together. It fills my heart to see everyone’s faces as they share in conversation, food, and laughter.

There is an intentionality in setting a table for use. Whether it’s a dining table, a conference table, or a ping pong table, it is meant for interacting with those who have gathered there. It’s a piece of furniture that plays a small, but vital, role for providing opportunities. There are many stories in scripture where a table establishes the scene and the connections of people. We even see in Psalm 23, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” (verse 11 CSB) As I presented before, preparing a table for an event has intentionality to the task. This is magnified when there are place settings with name cards, because you have thought about that person specifically and how they will interact with the whole party. What if we reimagined Psalm 23 to say Lord, your table has a place setting for me where my name card marks that You have prearranged where I will sit with You, and it’s for all to see. Jesus illustrates this in Luke 12:37, “Blessed will be those servants the master finds alert when he comes. Truly I tell you, he will get ready, have them recline at the table, then come and serve them.”(CSB) Our being alert to God’s will puts us at the table of the family of God. Who do you prepare a place for around your table? Whether it’s the table you gather around for the holidays, or a table at the coffee shop where you are connecting. Give those interactions to God and He will be with you.

Those we sit with in community around the table can build ties as close as family, maybe stronger. We had a Friendsgiving in November and I referenced the scene described in Mark 3. “His[Jesus] mother and his brothers came, and standing outside, they sent word to him and called him. A crowd was sitting around him and told him, ‘Look, your mother, your brothers, and your sisters are outside asking for you.’ He replied to them, ‘Who are my mother and my brothers?’ Looking at those sitting in a circle around him, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers!'”(verses 31-34 CSB) Now, it doesn’t say this circle they were sitting in was around a table, but I’d like to set one in the middle of them for my head cannon. It shows that Jesus viewed those believers around him, his church body if you will, were the same as his earthly family.

In 2 Samuel Chapter 9 we see that David was missing his dearest friend Jonathan. In verse 1 he asks, “Is there anyone remaining from the family of Saul I can show kindness to for Jonathan’s sake?”(CSB) The people of the court track down a servant of the previous king[Saul] and David learns from this man, “There is still Jonathan’s son who was injured in both feet.”(verse 3 CSB) I can just imagine David’s joy at learning this information. Not only was it one of Saul’s descendants as he had intended to find, but it was Jonathan’s own son! Jonathan’s son Mephibosheth had lived a life in secret, fearing that he would be put to death for being Saul’s heir and a potential rival to David’s throne. Furthermore, after being injured as a child in the mad escape from Jerusalem, living as an invalid during this time in history would have made him a lesser citizen. When he is brought before David, Mephibosheth no doubt felt fear for his life and shame at his infirmity. You could imagine someone in his position could have thought at least this life of misery will be over. “‘Don’t be afraid,’ David said to him, ‘since I intend to show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all your grandfather Saul’s fields, and you will always eat meals at my table.'”(verse 7) Later in verse 11 it establishes, “So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table just like one of the king’s sons.” He became grafted in to the family of King David just as we get grafted in to the family of God. It said he was like a son, but his gratitude for David likely ran deeper than his own children because of the life he had before. David was intentional with Mephibosheth when others would not have given him a second thought, and it changed his life. You and I do not have the resources of kings, but our actions can have great impacts in people’s lives. Maybe someone who doesn’t feel they are worthy can be uplifted by an invitation to your table, or to coffee, or a church event.

When you plan to show intentionality towards others it’s not easy to know if they are people who will find their name cards at the Lord’s table. Will your table be the closest they’ll find themselves to that community? To be in relationship with people around your table is not always easy. Sometimes there are people who no matter what work you put into the preparation, or what you serve to them, they rarely offer you a word of appreciation. Do they enrich your party or are they a Judas whose own intentions are not for your benefit? The only control you have over these situations is what you “bring to the table,” and your Father in Heaven sees that. Maybe someone sits at your table now that, like Judas, is waiting for an opportunity to profit from your downfall. Do such people need to have a place at your table, or are they a pawn for the dark forces and occupying a spot the Lord wants you to make available for someone else? You may have heard of Louie Giglio’s book “Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat At Your Table,” it speaks of the battle in your own mind, but it is just as true for the evil that takes root in others that have influence in your life. Maybe there is some rearranging of place settings that needs to be done at the table of people in your sphere.

I want to be sensitive, as I know this time of year can be hard for those who are grieving an empty seat at their table. I myself just lost my father on December 4th and my Christmas joy has been tempered with sorrow. A ray of hope shines for the potential of growth through this difficult time, and the comfort of the Lord is there when I need to lean into it. Like John leaning against Jesus as they reclined around the table, he is near to those he loves. I pray this new year holds wondrous things to unfold and that you are blessed.

Confident

When you hear a sermon delivered in a timely manner (i.e. when you have asked for something to be revealed), it can be seen as a message. When you hear that message three times by three different speaker in 3 different location in the course of 72 hours, it feels more like a wakeup call. Something like that requires a paradigm shift.

I was blessed to be able to attend a ladies conference in Springfield, Missouri last weekend; the theme was Heaven on Earth. At one point, the speakers felt discernment to say that there are those who are being led into ministry, but are holding back for whatever reason. About 36 hours later, I was in my home church where our pastor spoke about being bold and stepping out as an ambassador of the kingdom to find “the one” in whom you were meant to plant a seed. Less than 36 hours after that, I was listening to a brand new podcast whose message also pertained to how we are called to do that which brings Heaven to Earth.

I praise the Lord for hammering this home for me because He knows I need this to set like concrete in my foundation. As much as I encourage others to step out in faith, I need the reminder as well. It isn’t being hypocritical. It is recognizing that this is something I must continue to work on in my “splintered eye”, so that I may help others work through it as well; just as we are called to in Matthew 7:5. Bianca Olthoff spoke at the conference and said, “He [God] is calling you into what He is calling you out of.” The people best equipped to help others through a certain “minefield” are those who have traversed it themselves. This is not to say those without similar experiences can’t be helpful, but that those who have lived them, and grew through it, have developed other tools for dealing with that issue. Just as AA sponsors are themselves recovering alcoholics and are therefore familiar with the struggles newer members will face. So I will encourage others to step out in faith daily, as I work for myself how to step out in faith daily. I will encourage others who struggle with the shame of abuse that tries to tell them they are not worthy, as I work out the same within myself. Is it intimidating? You bet it is! Do I sometimes think there is someone else who will do it better, and therefore I am not needed? That thought sneaks in at times. Are there times I just want to curl up in my bubble and leave the world to its own? That would be so easy. Brandi Carrano spoke these words at the conference, and I had to write them down as they cut me to the quick. “Our comfort will always be the enemy of our obedience.” Ouch and Amen! Ok, so no curling up in my bubble. My pastor’s sermon series is devoted to the premise of Matthew 9:37. “Then he said to this disciples, ‘The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few.'”[CSB] Ok, so I am really needed.

I had been stirred Sunday by the thought that the enemy is stoking the furnace of trials and suffering in this world hotter and hotter like Nebuchadnezzar did to destroy Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego [Daniel 3]. Then my mind went to how on the day of Pentecost in Acts 2:3, the Holy Spirit came upon the believers as “tongues like flames of fire.” Therefore, let us fight fire with fire. When the welling up of the Holy Spirit starts to burn, let us not use a damper to hinder it from doing its work through us. This inspiration was further confirmed for me the next day as I listened to Lisa Harper’s podcast which broke down the indwelling of Jesus predating his birth and the fourth man in the furnace. Ok, let me not be intimidated.

I have a friend, who is also a Christian therapist, who gave me a worksheet labeled “Who I am in Christ.” It has a series of Bible verses and an assignment. You read through the verses and take note of anything that tugs at your spirit. Then, you work out those notes to string together a kind of mantra to say when you feel unsettled. Mine became: “I am a daughter, born of God, and confident in His presence. Created for a purpose and chosen to bear much fruit.” When those negative questions rise, this is what I say to quiet them.

There was another moment, during the conference, that was deeply impactful. The next day, after they had the discerning word for leaders to step out, they asked for us to take just two minutes to be silent and allow God to speak to us. I prayed and opened my mind, heart, and spirit to whatever God wanted me to know, if anything. I heard three whispers from the Holy Spirit: I love you. Just be who you are. I’ve got this.

They were so warm and encouraging, and I held them to my heart like treasures. A few days later I was meditating on them again, when I realized something profound. I had been focusing on feeling the freedom of the confidence I have in Him with “I’ve got this.” But y’all! Then I realized the second whisper, “Just be who you are,” meant that HE has confidence in me. Mind…blown! Also, these whispers are not solely meant for me. They are for you too!

“Therefore, we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6

The Kiddie Pool

It’s the last day of Summer and I’ve been reflecting on our season. For many people it has been one HOT summer. Due to utility workers digging up our back yard, we were not able to set up our metal-frame pool to have relief from the heat. In desperation, I thought it might be beneficial to get a kiddie pool to a least be able to get my feet wet and find a little bit of enjoyment. I decided it wouldn’t be worth it and instead we would go to the creek or to our friend’s house who has a pool. There is something about being fully immersed that is so much more satisfying than what a kiddie pool can offer.

Although I remember what it was like to be a child in the kiddie pool in my grandparent’s back yard, it no longer suits as an adult. The inspiration I had is how our faith can be like this comparison. When we are young, our walk may be shallow, but it is sufficient as we are still small in our understanding. If we stay in the kiddie pool of faith through adulthood, then we are hindering the development of our Christian walk. It just gets our toes wet, so to speak, and does little to give relief in the heat of life’s hardships.

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with prefect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” 1 Corinthians 13: 11 & 12 NLT

If you are puzzling things together in the reflection of a kiddie pool, then your scope is narrow and the water of this small container can get murky. As the messiness of life falls into the pool, it becomes a distraction to the things on which you should be focusing. Were that same sediment to be dispersed into a large, deep pool, it would fall away and allow you to take in the bigger picture. Furthermore, a kiddie pool would have brought little relief from the intensity of this summer’s heat. In fact, it would have warmed the water quickly and made it hardly different than the surrounding air. This is how some can say they are in the faith and barely be discernable from the world around them.

Deep waters can offer relief and would take much more to alter the temperature. I don’t know about you, but I love the feeling of swimming. In deep water you can totally submerge yourself and engage your whole body in the activity. Whether you’re propelling yourself forward, doing rolls and flips in the weightlessness of the water around you, or just allowing it to lift you up as you float, swimming in a large pool or body of water is thrilling. It also brings greater relief from the heat, just as a deep faith can move you and relieve the heat of life. When feeling the heat of life in our relationships, in the stress of trying to live rightly, or in the consequences of sin, going deeper in your faith produces the fruit of the Spirit. We know that learning to swim can be a struggle and, even when you know how, can at times be taxing. One must practice with perseverance to develop endurance to keep yourself in shape. You must discipline yourself for your training even as the strain tells you to give up. This will make you strong, to not only tread water for yourself but to help others. Like a lifeguard on the beach watches to make sure someone is not overcome, your training can benefit a struggling brother or sister in Christ.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.” Hebrews 12: 11& 12 NIV

To be sure, there are many in the church who stay to their shallow kiddie pools of faith. Some look at the deep end and think “That is just too much for me.” We think of the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk to Jesus on the water only to sink into the waves. We think of him lacking the faith to sustain himself and judge him for that. The more heartbreaking part of this story is that there were 11 other men in the boat not willing to even try. So was it safer to stay in the boat, or for one to stay in their kiddie pool? Probably, but that is not where deeper faith is found. Peter was the only one to know what it felt like to walk to Jesus, and though we may see it as a shortcoming to not be persistent, his experience was forever altered. Even though he began to sink like a stone in the waves, Jesus said, “on this rock I will build my church.” (Matthew 16:18)

Don’t settle for the kiddie pool. Don’t stay in the boat. Dive into the deep end of faith and be fully immersed.

A Father’s Love

“And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18 NLT

God placed this topic on my heart in June, but I have been procrastinating. That could mean it is going to be needed by someone. Yet my experience has had me feeling less than qualified to speak on a father’s love, and it can be painful to think about. Nevertheless, here I am putting it to words for all.

My mother left my father when I was very young and he was met with violence when he attempted to get us back. When my father began dating and eventually married my stepmother, my own mother used us children to manipulate my father in an effort to end the relationship. This caused my stepmother to hold some animosity against the children of my father’s first marriage. The resentment from both women made it difficult for my father to be present in our lives.

I only have a few of my own memories of my father. For a time, when I was 6-years-old, we lived with my dad’s parents. He would come over as often as he could. One of those memories is as simple as my father laying on the living room floor watching television; absently twirling his hair as he did. I would lean against his back, drape my arm over his side, and just be happy to be near him.

Another memory from that time is of the family being in the backyard playing a game like Marco Polo on land, but everyone would be calling out at once and you had to focus on a certain voice. I singled out my father’s voice amongst the noise and followed it; not realizing he was standing on the other side of the kiddy pool. Into the water I went and my father fished me up smiling.

Not long after, I got the best birthday present ever (my little brother was born on my 7th birthday), and my mom came back to take us away again. She would tell us that our father had a new family now and didn’t want or need us anymore. It would be over 10 years before I’d see my father again, all the while having to endure the resentment of my mother if he was mentioned. When Troy and I found ourselves to be expecting and decided to get married, I wrote to my father to let him know. I did it out of duty to keep him informed of such big life changes. I did not expect him to disrupt his home life—saying he was possibly going home to a divorce—to come and be there to give me away at my wedding. I worried that he would be disappointed in me, but he was so happy just to be with me that I didn’t sense any of that. This was not the indifferent father that I was conditioned to expect. This father wanted nothing more than to be there for his daughter and to share as much of her life as he could.

In 2015 I went to surprise my younger brother for his 30th birthday; the first we spent together since he was born. My father made my brother promise to bring me by the base where he worked before I flew home. My dad took me by the arm and lead me from office to office to introduce me. He delighted as he’d say, “This is my daughter. Isn’t she beautiful?!” I couldn’t help but marvel at his love for me.

“And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, ‘Abba, Father.'” Galatians 4:6 NLT

These memories of my biological father have become a reflection of my Heavenly Father. When I lean into God, just to be near Him, there is such peace. I seek to follow his voice and, although I sometimes find myself in uncertain circumstances, He is there to lift me up and comfort me. He has a reckless love that will bring Him to my side; he leaves the 99. Not with judgement for what I’ve done, but with a desire to just draw near and be there when I need Him. I can even imagine my Heavenly Father say, “This is my daughter. Isn’t she beautiful?!”

Although this life has been painful to not know my father’s love as we would have liked, my Heavenly Father has always been with me. Since the moment He first spoke into my life at 10, I have known the unfailing love of my Abba Father. Gentle, guiding, and fair, He is the hand that has lead me onward in this journey. I pray any who read this find this our for themselves.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3

Red Herring

(Trigger Warning: threat of bodily harm)

June 24th, 2022 the United States Supreme Court overturned a nearly 50-year-old case that ruled for a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy. Given the fact that the plaintiff in that case never had an abortion, and given the fact that states still regulated the practice within their sovereignty, this case has done little to impact the issue other than being a banner under which the pro-choice group could gather. However, emotions are high after this outcome. In the current climate, there is a likelihood that what I have to say would not be received in the spirit in which it is meant, but I will start with my own story of life versus choice in hopes of an understanding.

When I was 16, my mother moved out of our house to live with her boyfriend in another city. Feeling unwanted, I turned to my longtime boyfriend for comfort and connection. A month before my 17th birthday, I began to get clues that conception had occurred, and a pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions. It was like a switch was flipped in my heart and mind; my life was no longer about me. There was now another person who would be relying on me for their very existence. My boyfriend had to process the information, but was supportive. My own mother said, “It’s about time you made me a grandma.” When we told my boyfriend’s parents, they were devastated. They had a stipulation that we go before our church and confess our sin to the body of believers.

I was still trying to get my bearings when I went to Planned Parenthood in hopes they could help me develop, well, a plan for parenthood. They said they could help me with an abortion to which I was adamant, no, I will deliver this baby. They told me to apply for Medicaid and find a doctor, and that there were therapists in the area if I wanted to talk to someone; but there was nothing more they could do for me. My life routine became going to school, going to work, taking care of my medical needs, and seeing a counselor.

We entertained the idea of adoption. A classmate had a relative who struggled with infertility, and so she asked me to consider giving my baby to them. After a couple sessions with the counselor, my boyfriend and I worked out that a life knowing our child would not be with us may be more regrettable than we could bare. My classmate was heartbroken for her family and became distant after that.

While at work, one of my coworkers heard that I was pregnant and keeping the child. He looked angry and said to me, “If I punched you repeatedly in the stomach until you miscarried, I’d be doing that baby a favor.” I felt so unsafe and scared for my unborn child. When I could no longer work at that restaurant without the smells making me, it was no great loss to walk away.

Unfortunately, this meant that now I was pretty much living on my own trying to get the best care that I could. My mother was still living in another city, my older brothers made no efforts to care for their sister, and my boyfriend’s parents were not about to have their son’s pregnant girlfriend stay with them. However, his father did approach a couple at our church who were willing to take me in with them. They were loving and attentive and made me feel secure in a world swirling with uncertainty.

There was a program at school for those who found themselves “in the family way”, where I knew other students going through their own minefield of questions. One girl left school to proceed away from the ire of others. Another girl elected to have an abortion and returned to have her life move on. I was resolved to stay in school and to have my child, so I guess I fell somewhere in the middle. I was fortunate that my boyfriend was by my side to see us through. I told him, “You will always be the baby’s father, but if you think we can make it, I’d like to bring her into a family and not just into the world.” We talked through it in therapy and moved forward with that as a stepping stone to our future. My boyfriend’s mother took me shopping for a dress, but since the bridal shop turned me away she ended up making me a dress instead. In the Spring of our junior year, on the two year anniversary of when we started dating, our church threw us a wedding and we were married. We moved into our own place and welcomed our little girl to the world a month later.

I was grateful for my small band of supporters because the opposition seemed to be more empowered. It was as if my staying strong in the midst of everything meant I wasn’t feeling the full weight of my mistakes, and many took it upon themselves to see I felt the pressure. When asked by the accompanist why I wasn’t in the show choir my senior year, my music teacher was heard saying: I will not have an example like her on my stage. When I led VBS music and inquired about being on the worship team, a church member I had long respected pulled me aside and said it is wrong for me to be so visible in my service to the church when they all were aware of my sin. I had friends that said I wasn’t who they thought I was and cut me out of their lives, this continued through adulthood when someone I thought I could open up to heard of my past.

When I had gone on to college, I met a young woman who had been a senior in high school when I was going through my pregnancy in the grade below her. It was a couple years later, but she wanted me to know that she admired me for my strength. She told me that around the time I had my daughter she discovered that she was also pregnant. With tears welling up she said she knew she would not be able to endure what she saw me go through and so she had an abortion. I comforted her and my heart ached for this grieving mother; which was truly what she was.

I’m calling this entry Red Herring because this discord over this case is a side note to the bigger issue. Our society has failed us. How can you beat the drum of pro-life and then punish the women who bear their children? You make their own babies the product of their sin; a sort of scarlet letter for years to mark them. Like the woman thrown before the feet of Jesus caught in the act of adultery, you push for the punishment. I would say that you cannot be pro-life if you are not pro-love for mothers in crisis.

It is true that the Roe v. Wade case has been used as a marketing tool for abortion; that a woman can do whatever she wants for self-preservation. Choice when the mother’s life is in danger is another Red Herring. There is some common ground in these circumstances that both sides acknowledge. However, when abortion is being used as a form of birth control that is when the two sides diverge. Women who end the life of their unborn baby because of social or financial self-preservation are like the mothers in the biblical stories who cooked their own children in times of famine.

We have the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, when one’s right to pursue happiness supersedes another’s right to life, there are no winners in this situation. To have my own mother recently say that she didn’t ask to be my mother, but that it was forced on her, I can honestly say that it does not feel good to be unwanted by a parent. However, life is precious and has value greater than our own desires.

“But to all who did receive him, he gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in his name, who were born, not of natural descent, or of the will of the flesh, or of the will of man, but of God.” John 1:12-13 CSB

Spring Forward

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

The daylight is lasting longer, the weather is getting warmer, and the plants are establishing their new growth. Minus the hay fever, it’s the time of year I look forward to the most. The cold darkness of winter gives way to new life. It’s little wonder why the early church, in wanting to establish a celebration of Jesus coming to Earth, decided the first day of Spring would signify Mary’s conception. In following the train of thought of new life, I also contemplated baptism; that symbolic gesture of the old being washed away and being reborn into the kingdom of God. Although it was practiced before Jesus’ sacrifice—he himself having been baptized—it has come to represent a shared burial and resurrection by many denominations. Do we really appreciate this moment, or do we treat it as a check mark on our list of religious things to do and go back to business as usual?

The Saturday morning of Easter weekend, as I laid in bed trying to soak up the last few minutes of sleep before the day began, I felt the sheets on me and thought about the strips of linen that wrapped Jesus’ body as he laid in the tomb. No life would stir them on that day as his soul was on mission in the spiritual realm. If the submersion of baptism is meant to pattern this event, it is a profound moment that we many times take for granted. Furthermore, do we actually live a life in resurrection? After Jesus’ resurrection he was transformed to the point that those who had been with him for years didn’t recognize him.

“At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.” John 20:14 NIV

Even after appearing to them, the disciples had to adjust to this new Jesus.

“Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.” John 21:4 NIV

After your baptism, have you lived in such a way that the people closest to you see you transformed? Of course we will stumble, but if you have made the commitment and then return to your old ways as if nothing has happened, your baptism is reduced to a rinse off with an audience. Instead, let those of us who have taken this step in salvation go forward into our new life, with our spirits as one with Jesus.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV

Life

A one word title. It can be used as a statement, it can be a desire, or it can be perceived as a question. Normally I process my emotions through the filter of logic. My oldest daughter calls this the Vulcan in me. I have learned that it is a coping mechanism consistent with survivors of trauma. It goes something like this.

Step 1: Identify emotion rising to the surface.

Step 2: Identify the stimuli for said emotion.

Step 3: Determine if this emotion is beneficial for my being at present; if yes—allow emotion to have its time, if no—dispel emotion and move forward.

I am recognizing that the experience of today would be better served raw and unfiltered than tempered with days of analysis. You see, as I was at work today, sewing at a men’s clothing store, all my coworkers came running into my tailor shop seeking cover. “Call 9-1-1,” they shouted. “There’s a shooter outside!” I do just that and relay the details I was given to the dispatch operator. Our tuxedo delivery truck driver witnessed two police officers get a suspect to the ground. Suddenly, the man broke free brandishing a gun. He dropped one officer, injured the other, and took off in their police SUV. Within moments a fleet of emergency vehicles were on the scene. I watched as EMTs worked their life-saving techniques, a responding officer put his hands on his head in disbelief of what was happening, and the two wounded officers were sped away in ambulances.

As I got in my car to go home, less than 20 yards from my parked car, I watched as they packed up the remains of the equipment that had been cut off the officers. I cried as the thoughts that had been sneaking into my brain settled in. I remembered when my brother was on the local force. If he was an hour past shift his wife would text me to see if I’d heard from him. I would say no and we’d both sit in anxiousness until we knew he was okay. Today the loved ones of three officers (another shot in a further altercation) would not get the rush of relief to hear all is well. Instead, life has shifted and another realization comes. That realization is affirmed that every day of this life is precious and not to be taken for granted.

We also approach two weeks of people in Ukraine being confronted with this realization. So much pain and loss is hard to face. Some would use these moments to question how a benevolent God would allow such things to happen. For me, it is a reminder that this life is not what He wanted for us. We were not made for doing harm to our neighbor. That came with mankind’s rebellion and our awakening to evil.

“And the LORD God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.'” Genesis 2:16-17 NIV

This morning, before leaving for work, my daughter was listening to one of her favorite YouTube shows called Cinema Therapy. They were dissecting the movie by looking at the dichotomy of good and evil. The therapist on the show, Jonathan Decker, referenced a book he has been reading called “Made for Goodness: and why this makes all the difference” by Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu. His take away was, “The default setting for people is goodness and kindness and decency.” Like the meme of two toddlers of different races walking with their arms around each other that says racism is a learned behavior, mankind comes forth in innocence. It isn’t until the pernicious taint of darkness and evil pollutes their spirit that this is lost.

Yet, it isn’t the fall of man that I mean to focus on after today’s events. Adam and Eve were told they were “free to eat from any tree in the garden” minus one, but there was a second tree mentioned in scripture. What was the name of that tree? The tree of life. (Gen 2:9) God fully meant for us to have lives of goodness, kindness, and decency that would never end and never know pain. That being denied us, He devised another way.

“I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:9-10

Jesus is the gate, the way back into God’s garden. The thief (the devil) seeks to destroy us and keep us separated from God. Jesus, being lifted up on the cross, became the new tree of life. You can freely partake in this tree with Jesus as your savior and find eternal life. Remembering that life is precious, and this mortal life is fleeting, and we should not take it for granted.

God be with the officers, their families, and the people of Ukraine. Amen.